From the category archives:

Patterns

10 Tips for Dealing with Difficult Family Members

December 22, 2011

You’re sitting around the Christmas tree, or the Menorah, or the fruitcake and bottle of scotch, with your family. Everyone’s in a great mood, grateful for this time together. The glimmer of holiday lights reflects off the blanket of white, fluffy snow.  Alternating scents of pine and apple pie waft thorough the house. Your family [...]

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It’s happening FOR you, not TO you

November 3, 2011

When something isn’t going the way I think it should, I try to remember it’s happening for me, not to me. What’s the lesson this thing is here to teach? How is this helping me grow? How is this situation perfect? It’s another way of asking all those questions, except its statement, not a question. [...]

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The truth about drama

June 23, 2011

Do you attract drama? If you have a lot of drama-filled people or situations in your life, I’m going to say something you won’t like.   It might be time to look in the mirror. Yes, they may be crazy. I totally give you that. It may honestly, without a doubt, be all their stuff that’s [...]

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How old do you feel?

June 9, 2011

This is one of my favorite questions. Particularly when someone (me included) is feeling scared or overwhelmed.  How old do you feel right now? When you’re looking at a pile of stuff to put away and a list of stuff to do and you can’t bring yourself to do just one thing, how old do [...]

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What was the Big Ass Disaster (BAD) that shaped the rest of your life?

April 17, 2011

Humans assign meaning to everything. That’s what we do. Our brains are wired for it. So here’s what happens: A Big Ass Disaster (BAD) occurs when you’re a kid. It’s often the first really negative or scary thing you remember. (It might be a fight among your adults, or your dad moves out, or a [...]

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My BAD. As another example for you.

April 17, 2011

…In case you’re stuck, I’ll share another example. One from my life. It’s not my primary or earliest BAD, but it’s one off them.  My mom was dating a man I strongly disliked. I thought I’d be really mature about it and have a talk with her about finally dumping him. I was about 9 [...]

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The Problem with Non-Conformity

January 27, 2011

Being a non-conformist is kind of a big deal to me.           I’ve never liked rules. I always question authority. Freedom is my highest priority value. The problem is that if you take it too far, being a non-conformist can quickly become a form of conformity. Let me explain. Non-conformity isn’t really about being different or [...]

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How your Family Triggers your Stuff and Reveals your Patterns. And how that can be a good thing.

January 21, 2011

Family Triggers your Stuff Have you spent time with family lately? Family—even the ones you like, miss, and get along with famously—have a way of triggering issues. They bring up all your stuff.  Did you notice? “If you think you’re enlightened, go spend a week with your parents.” –Ram Dass I couldn’t agree more. What [...]

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How I Sabotage my Marriage

January 12, 2011

Humans love stability. And balance. So much so that even really good changes can feel uncomfortable. Winning the lottery, getting the staring role in that television drama, publishing your book…awesome, but panic-inducing, too. Just like thermostats, we have a set point. Diverging too far from our internal average leaves us feeling vulnerable. And vulnerable is [...]

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The Woman Who Makes Me Want a Shower

November 17, 2010

Think about the people who trigger you most: your mom, the nosy neighbor, that lady in the cubicle next to you who shops online and plays Farmville all day as if no one’s on to her. Think about the feeling you get amidst these triggery people—repulsion is the most common. A physical reaction that makes [...]

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