Background—In this week’s e-zine, I discussed some lack vs. abundance mindsets. Sign up at the right if
you aren’t on the list and would like to receive the biweekly e-zines. Or you can read the mindsets article here.
**Warning** This post discusses money…I even throw out some specific dollar amounts. I realize that this may be “triggery” for you. It was for me in writing it. Money is the most judgment-laden and triggery topic of all possible triggery topics. If talking about money triggers your stuff, that’s excellent. Good to know. You can now use that experience to understand yourself and change what you want to change.
True Story: I started writing this post last week but it just wasn’t feeling right so I set it down for a while.
As I picked it back up today, hubby walks in from Home Depot where he was ordering our new back door. Not a real door, just a storm door. Turns out our doorways are freakishly tall so it needed to be special-ordered.
I messed up, even though I totally knew better (That’s takeaway #1: I mess up continuously, even when I know better. So it’s okay if you mess up once in a while).
With this very blog post open on my laptop, laptop on my lap, hands on the keyboard, I asked him how much the door cost.
Okay, a few things here. First, there’s obviously nothing inherently wrong with asking how much the door cost. In fact, it’s probably the more Enlightened Path. Let me explain.
Circumstances can’t hurt me, only my thoughts about them hurt. So even if the cost of the door equaled our life savings plus a hundred thousand dollars, that’s a neutral fact. My thoughts about that fact are up to me.
Underneath asking how much the door cost and knowing that any answer is fine, is a belief in abundance. See it? If I really believe in abundance (there is always more than enough, I always have exactly what I need, money is energy that’s meant to be in constant motion…), none of this has any innate judgment.
The alternative path—which I prefer when I’m feeling a little less Enlightened—is to just not ask.
Underneath not asking can be either 1) a belief in abundance or 2) a refusal to face reality. I’ll clarify.
1) I might not ask because I’m feeling the truth of abundance. When that’s the case, my internal dialogue goes something like, “We have more than enough. Doesn’t matter what it costs; there’s always more where that came from. Yippee”.
Or
2) I might not ask because I secretly fear that the response might make me feel bad and I don’t want to feel bad. Denial. Not always your worst option, but never your best.
Back to the scene…I ask how much the door cost. And he tells me it was over $300. Neutral fact.
Here’s a sampling of where my mind went and how I attempted to coach myself through it. Note that I’ve strategically chosen to share the thoughts that make me look least judgmental and unwell.
Thought #1: WTF?!? I can think of so many ways I’d rather spend $300.
Voice-of-Abundance-Response: Poor, Unenlightened Amy…you’re focusing on the wrong thing. You’ve honed in on the amount and the fact that it’s “gone” from your bank account. And you’re acting as if that was the only $300 you’ll ever have and you’ll never make it back. Do you see the lack and scarcity in that response?
Money floats into and out of your life all the time…that’s the way of it. Its purpose to be exchanged, played with, traded for things that bring pleasure, not hoarded or strictly rationed. When you treat it as if it’s scarce, it acts that way in your experience.
Amy: Okay, I know that I have more than enough, but a storm door? Maybe it’s the “things that bring pleasure” part that’s bothering me.
Voice-of-Abundance-Response: Again, the purpose of money is as a vehicle for what brings joy. Odd as it is to you, you know that this door brings joy to him.
Amy: Okay, you got me there. I may be married to a weirdo who gets excited about storm doors, but that’s beside the point. It does make him happy and that perspective does feel more abundant.
Thought #2: Uh oh, I can think of so many ways I did spent $300 recently
Voice-of-Abundance-Response: Do you see how you feel when you get caught up in your mental accounting? So the numbers on that statement dip a little lower this month than last month. Next month they rise again. They are just numbers on a piece of paper, after all.
What those little black numbers represent is energy. It’s constant flow. You’re not being irresponsible, you’re just living your life, buying storm doors when the old ones rust, doing whatever else you did with $300 this month…
Next month, you get a few new clients, nothing breaks, you get some unexpected money. It always balances out and always will when you see it that way. But when you choose a very narrow focus and hone in on it, your mental accounting gets the better of you.
Just like you can’t observe one subject in the lab and consider your theory “proven”, you can’t crunch the numbers at this tiny level and draw conclusions about the state of your finances. It just doesn’t add up when you do that.
Thought #3: I get it, but still…we were going to go out tonight. Maybe we should stay in and have leftovers. And if we don‘t do as much this weekend, we’ll make up for the $300 in no time.
Voice-of-Abundance-Response: So you want to hoard a little and let scarcity mentality in because you’ve spent some money? Stop the flow of abundance and that will help the situation? Remember the purpose of money…to be exchanged for things that add to your life. That’s the purpose, really. How then, does it make sense to stay in all weekend?
The more you let it go, the more you allow it to come back to you.
Amy: Yeah, but that last statement scares me. It’s so easy to argue with. Should I go spend all our money and expect it to all just multiply back?
Voice-of-Abundance-Response: I’m on your side here, no need for sarcasm.
You know I’m not talking about squandering money or wasting it or even spending it on things that aren’t important to you. Those would be ways of dishonoring money, not honoring it, and when you dishonor something it doesn’t come to you easily and freely.
Treat money the way you’d treat your dogs. Pamper it, love it, be kind to it, and it always wants to sit in your lap. When you smoother it, corner it and try to carry it around by its ear the way your 5 year old cousin does, it runs from you. When you do the opposite and forget to feed or walk it, it doesn’t like you much either.
Amy: I think I got it, thanks. I’m sure I’ll need reminding a few million more times, but I’m feeling the abundance way of it right now.
We didn’t stay in all weekend—we remembered the purpose of money and used it for what felt valuable at the time.
I’m also working on changing my story about the door. I’m going to work on appreciating that damn door, getting excited to see the look on hubby’s face when it’s installed, and reminding myself that that’s the point of money anyway. After all, it must be a pretty spectacular storm door for $300. No sarcasm.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
I quoted you for a paper about Money & Happiness! I find this article is so benficial!
I love this post so much. I am VERY enmeshed in an attitude of scarcity but I don’t rightly know how to remedy it. I am the only source of income at my house (primarily because my cat and dog refuse to get a job) and, while it doesn’t take EVERYTHING that I make to make ends meet, it definitely takes most of it. So, in the spirit of abundance, am I to spend what bit of excess there is or should I save it, like I have been? There ARE things I’d like to have but my attitude is such that I need to go without because there just isn’t enough. Any thoughts on this? THANK YOU!
{ 1 trackback }